As the school year is winding to a close and I work feverishly to finish up my remaining papers, I thought it would be a good time to begin to compose some retrospective posts. I thought this was a good time because I am having trouble falling asleep. It is quite warm in my apartment and I can't seem to get the air conditioning to work.
Is it possible that I have become less intellectually curious since I've started grad school? It certainly seems like it. I probably watch the same amount of TV as I did before, except it is now spread out during the week (one of the benefits of not travelling every week, all week). I ask the question because I have sitting on my table a stack of magazines several months thick that have gone unread. I'm not talking of magazines I've stopped reading yet for some reason still get even though I haven't renewed them in a long time (The Atlantic, Foreign Affairs), I'm talking about magazines that I want to read. I used to relish digging into the latest New Criterion, now I'm finding myself letting it sit on the table for months. Just over a year ago I was curling up each night with books by Strauss, et al. Now I just veg.
I'm not as interested as I once was in talking about "big things," either. Perhaps it is because I have little opportunity to do so, what with all the changes that have gone on in the past year in this little blog world. People leaving us, etc.
I think it might be fatigue. I'm reading much more than I was before, but it isn't stuff that I necessarily want to be reading. This takes some of the fun out of it and lessens my ability to ponder the things I want to ponder and drains me of the stamina necessary to dig into the texts I want to. Hopefully this will pass as I finish up my coursework. But I still can't shake the feeling that I have become numbed by graduate school--that it has drained me of my intellectual sharpness. A quick review of the posts here on this "blog" would only confirm that. I can count on one hand the number of "interesting" "posts" I've put up here. The ratio of crap TV to substance is about 100:1.
Next time, I will talk about living in DC. My third installment will be about regrets.